The bride tells her husband
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY
Monday, March 8, 2010
True story
The mysterious Man answered, "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".
Colin was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to
ive for, I haven't said goodbye to my family....you've got to send me back straight away".
St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We
can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Colin was devastated, but
knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.
A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around
pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this
strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen, how
are you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad" replies Colin,
"but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never
laid an egg before". "Never" replies Colin "Well just relax and let it happen"
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops
out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and
his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.
When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming
and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that
ever happened to him...ever!!! The joy kept coming and as he was just
about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
shouting
"Colin, wake up you drunk bastard, you are shitting in the bed!!!"
Colin was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to
ive for, I haven't said goodbye to my family....you've got to send me back straight away".
St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We
can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Colin was devastated, but
knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.
A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around
pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this
strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen, how
are you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad" replies Colin,
"but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never
laid an egg before". "Never" replies Colin "Well just relax and let it happen"
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops
out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and
his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.
When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming
and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that
ever happened to him...ever!!! The joy kept coming and as he was just
about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
shouting
"Colin, wake up you drunk bastard, you are shitting in the bed!!!"
Funny Kimberly
Kimberly died and went to heaven.
When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that
new rules are in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order
to gain admittance each soul must answer two simple questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with 'T'.
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
Kimberly thought for a few minutes and answered.
1. The two days of the week that begin with 'T' are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said,
'OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?'
Kimberly replied, 'Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,
March 2nd, etc...'
Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.
When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that
new rules are in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order
to gain admittance each soul must answer two simple questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with 'T'.
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
Kimberly thought for a few minutes and answered.
1. The two days of the week that begin with 'T' are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said,
'OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?'
Kimberly replied, 'Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,
March 2nd, etc...'
Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.
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